


The One Where Dante Hears Some Stuff

by klittycat



Category: Clerks (2000)
Genre: F/M, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-08-10 09:35:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7839694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klittycat/pseuds/klittycat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>dante has to go home to cut off his stove and randal says goodbye :'(</p>
            </blockquote>





	The One Where Dante Hears Some Stuff

Dante finally lumbered through the Quick Stop doors, half-expecting the apocalypse when he walked inside considering his luck.  Thankfully, today that was not the case.  Much to his surprise, Randal was behind the counter and everything looked like it was under control.

“Nice of you to join us, Mr. Hicks,” joked Randal from behind his newspaper.  His friend only laughed sarcastically. “What took you?”

“I don’t know; I guess I’m used to Liv working this shift,” Dante started as he made his way behind the counter.  “I didn’t even know I was supposed to be here today.  Thanks for covering for me until I got here though.”

“Don’t mention it. But hey, mark your calendar.  You know Liv’s going out of town for a week. It’s gonna be nothing but me and you for a few days, so be on time because your customers get on my fucking nerves.”

“Great,” Dante sighed. “Must be nice to have a vacation.  I’d kill to get away from here for a week.  Sometimes it feels like I can’t even get away from here for a day.”

“It’s not a vacation, Dante. She’s _technically_ going to be working.”

Oh right.  Dante nearly forgot that when their coworker Olivia wasn’t working at the Quick Stop, or fooling around with Randal, she was starring in pornos to make her way through college.

“Where’s she going again?” Dante asked.

“She’s headed to bright and sunny California,” his friend said in his best game show announcer voice.

“All the way to California? Wow.”

“Yep.  Leaving today.  She asked me if I wanted to join her but I really don’t feel like being on set watching her get plowed by some other dudes.  That might be your thing though,” he chuckled, nudging Dante, who chose to ignore this obvious jab at his struggling sex life.

“That’s bullshit, Randal. You watch her stuff all the time. Don’t tell me you don’t get off on it,” said Dante, incredulously.

“It’s different, seeing it in person,” Randal explained.  “I don’t want my viewing experience to be cluttered with all the technicalities of the sex industry.  To me, it’s just hot fucked up sex between two, or more, people- and/or creatures. I don’t want to ruin the magic of porno; I like it too much”

“The magic- Christ. You know I never realized this before, but you really like that girl, don’t you?  You’re sounding a little jealous.”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Randal said, not looking up from his paper.  “She’s getting paid to fuck these guys with all these rules and regulations.  I hear she doesn’t even get to cum.  I get it for free, no strings attached, anytime I want it- cum included.  Who’s the real winner here?”

Dante laughed and shook his head. “You don’t have to play macho with me.  I’m happy for you.  How long has it been since you’ve seriously dated someone?”

“Look, we’re not dating, Dante.  We both decided we’re not dating.”

“What do you call dinner and a hockey game?”

“A good time.”

“A date, Randal.  Normal people consider that a date.”

“February 22nd is a date.  Seeing a game and eating pizza is hanging out.  Hell, me and you do it all the time.”

“You had dinner with her parents.”

“I’ve had dinner with your folks too.”

“But we aren’t sleeping with each other!”

“You’re the one sounding jealous now, you mook.  You say all that like friends can’t fuck and watch hockey on the same night.  Just because you get all monogamous with any girl that gives you the time of day doesn’t mean that the same standards are set for me.”

“You’re impossible,” Dante said, ending the conversation.  He went to the back to begin his daily duties, starting with stocking the shelves. Randal laid the newspaper on the counter and followed him to the back.

“So what did you have planned for you big day off?”

“Oh, do you have to rub it in?” Dante whined.

“Naturally.”

“I don’t know.  I was hoping Veronica would come over later on for dinner.  I was even straightening up my house this morning and had already started cookin- Oh shit.”  The color drained from his face.  “Fuck!  I can’t fucking believe this.  Shit, Randal, I’ve gotta go home!” Dante made a bee line up front to his keys and was headed out the door.

“Didn’t you just leave there?” Randal asked.

“I left the fucking oven on!”

“That’s not good.”

“No shit!  I’ve gotta go!”

“What about the store?”

“Would you watch it for me? I’m only going to be gone probably 20 minutes tops.”

“I dunno man… Covering for you two times in one day…”

“Randal!”

“Fine…”

“And I mean, REALLY watch the store.  Not… do whatever you do.”

“You must not be too worried about your humble abode going up in flames if you’re gonna stand here and lecture me about my work ethics.”

Dante started to retort, but instead groaned in frustration, throwing his hands up as he walked out the door.  A few minutes later, the door opened again and Randal heard a female voice ask “You guys open?”

“Does it look like it?” he muttered without even casting a glance towards the door.

“God, the customer service here is second to none,” the woman laughed as she walked into the store. “I’m surprised we still have jobs.”

That voice was familiar, causing Randal to look up from the paper he occupied himself with again. Standing across the counter was the woman he and Dante were discussing earlier.

“Liv?!  What are you doing here?” he exclaimed, hopping over the counter to greet her.  “I thought you were already _California Dreaming_.”

“Don’t sound so bitter, I told you could come if you wanted to.  I’m here because I couldn’t ditch without telling you goodbye first, soooo I went over to the video store but _naturally_ it was locked,” she looked around.  “Where’s Dante?  I thought he was supposed to be working.”

“Left a few minutes ago. Said he thinks he left the stove on. He came in about 30 minutes late today too.  What a slacker.  What’s in the bag?”

“I brought you some lunch,” she said, handing a Mooby’s bag over to him. “Dante too.  I’m not sure what he likes, so I got him the same thing I got you.  That way if he doesn’t want it you can have it.”

Randal took a peek inside the bag before planting a kiss on Liv’s cheek.  She blushed and pushed him away playfully.

“You know, if you keep it up, people are gonna think we’re _dating_.”

“Now _why_ would they think a thing like _that_ ,” he asked as he stuffed a French fry in his mouth. “By the way, Dante’s onto us.”

“I can’t imagine how,” she said sarcastically.  “Remind me again, why don’t we just tell him?”

“I can’t let him know he’s right.  It’ll inflate his ego.”

Liv rolled her eyes.

“God, you two are like children sometimes.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be on a plane?”

“You can’t wait to ship me off can you?” Liv scoffed. “And no, I don’t have to be at the airport until three.  You know… you can at least pretend you’re going to miss me Randal.”

“Don’t make me get all sappy.  Goodbyes have never really been my thing.”

“So you _will_ miss me?”

“Don’t make me say it,” Randal said, sitting the bag on the counter behind him.

Live crossed her arms and only replied “Fine.”

Silence fell over the Quick Stop as neither of them spoke, only interrupted by the sound of the door opening.

“I’m going to the fucking bathroom,” Liv said to Randal before the customer fully made their way inside.

As Liv disappeared to the back of the store, Randal walked back behind the counter.

“Pack of smokes.”

“Two bucks,” Randal said, tossing the pack at the customer in order to rush them out.  The man paid him and went on his way.  Randal waited for her to come back for a minute, but she never did.  He sighed, realizing he fucked up and should probably go check on her.  He was never good with dealing with chicks, not their emotions at least.  He figured he had to at least give it a try, and pray that she wasn’t in there crying or whatever; he hated seeing chicks cry.

“Knock knock,” he said as he knocked on the bathroom door.

“Fuck off,” her muffled voice said from inside.

Without a second thought, Randal pulled the store keys out of his pocket, flipping to the one that belonged to the employee restroom lock, installed recently as precaution just in case someone locked themselves in there…. Or died in there again.

“What the fuck?!” Liv yelled in surprise and tried to shut the door back.

“Hey, I knocked.  Fair warning.” he said as he pushed his way inside. She wasn’t crying, at least not at the moment, but she didn’t look happy.  He leaned against the door frame. “So, you’re gonna be this way?”

“What _way_?” she snapped.

“You’re just gonna pout and waste our last moments together.”

“Listen to yourself, Randal, you make it sound like I’m ditching you and never coming back.”

“Says the one who’s dying for me to get all mushy.”

“God, Randal, I was just hoping that maybe you’d miss me half as much as I’ll miss you,” Liv said. “Sorry for temporarily forgetting how fucking cool it is to be emotionally detached and not give a shit about anyone.”

“That’s bullshit and you fucking know it, Olivia.  If it were anyone else back here, you know I would’ve left them rot, but I came back here to check on you, because I guess I give a shit about you or something.”

Liv just stared at him- her expression softer than it was previously.  Randal continued.

“You know, Dante was right. I do really care about you, and hell, I’m going to miss the shit out of you.  My bad I suck at vocalizing shit like this.”

“Sorry for being bitchy. I don’t know what my fucking problem is, I guess I was worried you’d be mad I’m going off to do this and leaving you here and you’d be better off without me.”

“You gotta do what you gotta do, I’m proud of you for doing shit you love.  Hell, I’ve been encouraging Dante to go out and live forever. I’m glad someone around here gets to do it, even if it’s getting plowed by other dudes on camera for…  What’s it called again?”

“Randal, you know what it’s called.”

“Remind me,” Randal teased.

“Mummy I’d Like to Fuck,” she said.  They both had a laugh at the ridiculousness of the name.

“So, are you gonna get plowed by a bunch of pharaohs or like, archaeologists?  Who gets to fuck the mummy?”

“You sound a little jealous right now,” Liv joked, giving him a kiss on the cheek.  “If it makes you feel better, whatever they are, I’ll imagine they’re you.”

“Should I give you something to remember me by?” he asked with a smirk.

“Hmmm, I suppose I could go for a little memory refresher before I have to leave.”

 

For the second time today, Dante lumbered through the Quick Stop doors.  He glanced over at the counter, Randal nowhere to be seen.  Fortunately, the store hadn’t been ravaged and nothing of great importance looked like it had been stolen.  Maybe Randal was behaving himself, maybe he was just in the bathroom.  Dante figured he’d go back there and tell him he was back, not to worry about rushing himself.

Dante stepped into the back room and stopped in his tracks.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me, there’s no fucking way,” Dante whispered, looking in the direction of the bathroom door.  As the unmistakable sounds of sex echoed through the stock room, he knew he shouldn’t go back there. Still, part of him was reminded of the whole shit that went down with Caitlin, part of him irrationally fearing that the same thing could happen, WAS happening again.  Without thinking rationally, he rushed to the bathroom door.

“Tell me what you want,” Randal whispered as he fucked Liv against the wall.

“D-Dante!?” Liv exclaimed as she saw Dante appear outside the bathroom.

“Dante?” he asked, stopping mid-thrust. “Look, I’m not judging, if you want a three way with him I’m sure he’s desperate en-“

“No!  Randal!  Dante!” Liv said, trying to push Randal off of her.  Randal looked back and noticed his best friend and coworker was now standing in the doorway, mouth gaping.

“Fuck, hey Dante,” Randal said, nonchalantly pulling his pants up.

“Don’t ‘ _Hey Dante_ ’ me!  I can’t fucking believe this!  This is EXACTLY what I was talking about, I leave the store for 20 fucking minutes- “

“Oh, so I’m the fucking irresponsible one?  You know, I wouldn’t have to even be over here if someone else was here like he was supposed to be and not off burning a casserole. Hey, at least I was in the fucking store.”

“You were FUCKING in the STORE!” Dante scolded.

“At least it was in the back this time.”

“THIS time?”

Liv quickly put her clothes on and grabbed her things are the two men quarreled, and slipped out the bathroom.

“I-I should go; I have a plane to catch.  Dante, this is a bad time, and I’m sorry, but I brought you some lunch.  I-it’s on the counter.  Bye Randal, I’ll call you late,” she said before giving Randal a quick kiss and making her escape.

“Oh, by the way, we’re dating.” Randal said, beaming.

“I fucking knew it.”

“Quit being a child, Dante.”


End file.
